To Live or Die
by AngelLilyLotus
Summary: Life is full of tough decisions, they make up day to day life and shape futures, but what harder choice is there than whether to live or to die. Yeva Mateev has lived her entire life, for as long as she can remember, having these choices made for her, and when she is finally allowed a choice of her own, fates foul hand had to swoop in and make it the hardest choice possible.ONESHOT


Yeva could never have imagined herself in the position she was now. Many a mission she had completed, all without the doubt that was clouding her mind now. In her hand one of her silver knives. She had it pressed into the throat of the man before her, the mission's target. But instead of cowering in fear, instead of fighting back. He stood tall and proud arms outstretched, waiting for her to kill him.

She took a glance to the gun lying where he had dropped it. Voluntarily. It was a nice model, and loaded. He knew how to use it, but she knew that. Her and her partner had been tracking his movements for months, waiting for the time to strike. But here he was, at her mercy, and she couldn't make the move. It might have been his acceptance of the inevitable, or it might have been the look of pure understanding in his eyes. He was trusting her with his life, if she would end it or not. It was her choice.

But as she closed her eyes and shot. She couldn't prepare herself for what she did next. As the shot went off, she knew it wouldn't hit it's mark, she hadn't wanted it to. She'd be killed, she knew that for a fact, but she accepted that. This man was pure and innocent, he only saw the good in people, wore his heart on his sleeve, he held immense power, but didn't flaunt it, nor abuse it. He was all the things she wasn't.

As soon as her shot missed she knew her partner, Runa, who was situated on the next roof would shoot. As a sniper it was her job, and she probably thought she could save Yeva's life by making sure their target was dead. But the room would know, they always knew. And so she spun pushing him out of the way and turning to face her sister in all but blood as the bullet pierced her shoulder. Saw the look of horror on her face as the second bullet grazed her right rib cage. The anguish pass across the younger girls face as the third flew true and hit just below her knee. The last was definitely Runa's style. Insurance if she missed, which she never did, that her target couldn't run.

She sank down against the cool stone wall behind her. Closing her eyes and gritting her teeth against the pain. Within minutes she would bleed out, she knew. Her hope was it would save her from the death many times worse that awaited her if she lived. The room was not known for going easy on anyone.

The one thing she didn't account for was the man kneeling down beside her and wrapping his tie around her shoulder, stanching the flow of the blood. Unable to keep from gasping, she bit her tongue as he shoved his jacket against her side, attempting to apply pressure. Coughing and ignoring the blood that dribbled from her chin as she did so she tried to push him away. Didn't he understand he had to leave? She had spared him so he could live, not so they'd both die.

"You need to go, they will come". She managed, curling into herself with the pain speaking brought. She vaguely registered her accent had slipped through the fog that clouded her mind. But instead of following her instructions he continued. Wrapping strips of his shirt around her leg and securing it with his belt. He looked her over once before leaving her range of view. She finally felt relief. He was going. Her vision started slipping and she closed her eyes.

Suddenly everything was brought into sharp focus as he hoisted her to her feet. Her eyes snapped open as she was washed over by a wave of vertigo. For a moment she clung to his arm. Not realizing herself. Then as fast as she had done it she was shoving him away, cursing in Russian at the pain it brought, wishing he'd just leave her to die. She only just managed to keep her footing on her own.

"I said go, leave me". She said, practically pleading for once in her life. But her cry fell on deaf ears as his eyes seemed to only gain more resolve. Any doubt her accent was not Russian surly had left as it had thickened twofold by this time.

"Not without you, you'll die without medical". He explained as if she was some child who couldn't evaluate her own injuries. She knew she had a broken wrist from the fight and more than likely the second bullet broke a rib or two if the blood she was coughing up was any indication that she had a punctured lung. Forgetting of course the three bullet wounds themselves. And the possibly severed muscle the third caused.

"I will die if I survive as well". She murmured, finally resigned to her fate. She met his eyes and was startled to find him looking at her in a new light, it was like he understood completely, but then, he was the widow's handler. She just couldn't imagine the famous black widow admitting her weaknesses to anyone. Mind a man who couldn't kill a child.

"Not if you come with me." He tried again, but she just shook her head. They'd find her. Widow was their one mistake, their one failure. She may have been able to get away, but they would never let a second asset go. Not without bloodshed.

"Do you want to die?" He asked suddenly, and she was startled. It had been less than two minutes on the roof, her bleeding out and she was already beginning to lose consciousness. Her vision was starting to go black at the edges, but she managed to think about that question over the pain.

Did she want to die? No, but it was better than living the life she had before, never being free always on guard. The life of an assassin. She had killed more in her short life than she could count, than she could remember. She had no memories of a family, none of anything mildly pleasant. The room made sure of that. If they had memories they could rebel, she couldn't even remember her last mission.

There was blood in her ledger, a lot of it, so much she was drowning. But maybe if she went with this man, this new director of shield. She might just be able to do a small amount of good, wipe clean even a little of the blood she had on her hands. And so she answered 'no' she didn't want to die. But she still couldn't see how she could live. The room would find her.

And then, with new resolve, the man was pulling her arm over his shoulder. Instructing her to put pressure on her side as he practically carried her down the fire escape. And she let him, all resolve gone. Halfway down he stopped and did exactly that, lifted her bridle style into his arms and continued down. They reached the alley and he was about to step onto the Main Street when she motioned for him to stop. Quickly she fumbled to get the metal band off her wrist. Struggling as the hand she had to use was her broken one.

The pain was surreal, so she locked it away in the back of her mind and focused on the task at hand. Finally, she unclasped it and threw it to the ground. Taking a few of her weapons off her person and practically ripping the earring from her ear, they followed the bracelet. The director of shield seemed to understand what she was doing and as soon as she stopped he took off again. She slowly registered she was being placed in vehicle of some sort and only just managed to mutter;

"Implanted-" She paused willing herself to continue speaking. "Tracker." Before she finally lost consciousness and the world faded to black before her.

Yeva woke to a familiar voice, speaking in Russian. Only she didn't open her eyes. Something was off, something was not right.

"Yeva I'm sorry. I hurt you. I- why did you not kill him? It will mean our deaths. Even if the director saved you the once, does he have the resources to keep his promise?" Asked Runa. All at once Yeva remembered the events on the rooftop. She sat up suddenly. Swallowing the hiss of pain that nearly followed.

Now the reason for the soft bed and pain medicine made sense. She knew the room would have never helped with injuries. If She acquired them that was her fault. No matter that it was they who sent her out. She squinted through the bright fluorescent lighting that made her friends pale blonde hair seem almost white. Her friend.

Why was Runa here? Had Shield taken her while Yeva was unconscious. No Runa had slipped away, and if she hadn't wanted to be found she wouldn't have been. Then why?

As if reading her thoughts Runa answered, this time in English. "I saw him help, heard through the com link. He saved you when you had been about to kill him..." She trailed off, pensive for a moment. Runa worked from afar, she never really knew their targets.

Unlike Yeva she thought people needed a reason to help others. That no one would ever help two young assassins. It's what the room tried to ingrain within them, the fear, the self reliance. Yeva knew that was not true. If it was, then she would have died on that rooftop.

"I followed you for a time, until he placed you in the car. He knew I was there Eva, he turned and invited me to join you. I know they'll kill me now, but I couldn't leave you." She finished. Returning to Russian for the end of her explanation.

But there was one thing she didn't understand, what was the promise Runa had spoken of? Her question was answered sooner than anticipated. The door opened and she took a quick chance to glance around the room before three people stepped in.

It was a dark coloured room with honeycomb walls and in the far left, she was sure there was a two way mirror of some sort. She spotted cameras in two corners and she was on a plain metal bed with white sheets. Runa was sitting on a similar bed to her right. The machinery surrounding her bed was a slightly more advanced set up than a normal hospital, but that didn't matter to her at the moment.

"I see you're awake." Stated the man who had saved her, Coulson his file read. She supposed she might have to start using his name now. Beside him stood a blonde haired man who was looking at her skeptically, he obviously doubted her because of her age and size. Most didn't live to regret that.

She blinked a couple times when she saw the black widow standing behind them. Hair pulled into a ponytail and wearing sweats and a SHIELD t-shirt. Yeva had no doubt the assassin had an entire weaponry on her person, but at that moment she had looked so normal.

"These are agents Barton and Romenoff..." He said, pausing and looking at her questioningly. With a start she realized he was asking for her name. She quickly stole a glance to Runa, who simply shrugged her shoulders. It was up to her. Barton however mistook the glance.

"Your friend wasn't very cooperative, wouldn't give us any information until you woke up." He said, sending a glare in her direction. The resulting flinch told her Runa had activated her death glare, something for one so young was remarkably effective.

Yeva made a split second decision to answer truthfully. She was free from the room, at least for a while. What harm could telling her new employers do? It wasn't as if she was on any records.

"Yeva, Yeva Matveev" She answered the unasked question, feeling suddenly exposed and regretting her decision. She could not hide any longer.

"Runa Vinter"

Came next, Runa following her lead, a little unsure of the truthful answer but trusting Yeva.

"Ages?" Was the next question. Yeva Thoth for a moment, but as she hadn't lied on the first question she decided she had no reason to lie now.

"Sixteen five months ago."

"Fourteen for seven months." Runa added, shuffling at Barton's start, he had not expected the young ages.

Barton also seemed surprised at how easy the answers came, but Yeva was more busy trying not to squirm under the appraising look the widow was sending her was. She was distracted when Coulson, having finished filling out the forms in his hands, nodded and looked back at her.

"You will need English names. How do Eva Matthew's and Rebecca Winters sound?" He asked, leaving no room for argument. Both girls nodded, used to receiving orders. Although Runa had an odd look on her face, clearly not understanding why the man was protecting them from their pasts without something in return.

"I am offering you two options. You can only choose once so consider both before you make a decision." Continued Coulson, making both girls look at him inquisitively.

"You may first go free, you will be given new identities, money, and an apartment rented out for the next year. You may do whatever you want, but you will have to wear special bracelets that prohibit leaking SHIELD's secrets online-" He was forced to stop as Barton cut in.

"Not that there are many secrets left." He said, with a glance at the redhead who immediately glared back. The widow had been the one to dump SHIELD's secrets on the web then, the rooms files were unclear on that. It made Yeva wonder why the assassin would ruin her perfectly built web of lies voluntarily.

"If you choose the first option you will not have protection. We cannot afford to protect non assets at the moment." Coulson finished, and Yeva felt her heart sink. She knew it was too good to be true, she could never outrun her past. Runa sent her a look something akin to an 'I told you so'. Before Coulson started talking again.

"The second option, is you both join SHIELD as junior agents under the directive of an SO, who you will also train with. You will be given a monthly stipend as well as a room here at base. You will be sent on missions when thought ready and have the same chances to move up in ranks as any other agent. Additionally. You will be given SHIELD's protection so long as you don't double-cross us."

Yeva could almost hear her companions jaw drop, and she was sure her own eyes widened as well, if only for a second. Quickly both girls brought their perfectly constructed masks back into place as they stared at the agents before them. She had not thought it possible, for anyone to want to help her. She was an assassin, a cold blooded killer, she had almost killed the man before her, and only by some nonsensical, split-second decision was he alive. Yet he not only saved her life in turn, paying off any life debt he may have thought to owe her, but here was offering to save her yet again.

She studied him closely, looking for any signs it was a ruse, his emotions were an open book, she could easily see he was determined by the crease of his brow, and the twitching of his foot told of a not-so-broken habit of tapping it. His hands rested calmly at his sides and he carried no visible weapons, but that didn't put Yeva at ease, she knew all three were perfectly capable without. It was his eyes that spoke volumes and ultimately made her decide she would trust him.

In them, she could see only the deepest compassion and understanding, they were wise, almost beyond his years. Speaking depths of the horrors he paid witness to. Yet he still held innocence, a strong desire to do good, to help even the most heartless of human beings. He saw the good in people and brought it out for the world to see, even when there was none to begin with. He was a admirable man, and a hero in his own right.

Still thinking she bit out a response, perhaps a bit harshly. She was not used to observing those with such good souls.

"Who would become two previous red room assassins SO's?" She asked, blinking as Runa whipped her head around to stare at her, she was sure her sister thought her insane, but it was of no importance.

"A previous red room assassin herself and her partner?" He responded, sounding almost amused at the reaction this wrought. Yeva let her mouth drop open for a nan o-second before correcting herself even faster. And Runa was staring wide eyes in undisguised shock, taking almost half a minute to snap out of it.

Yeva could hardly believe her own ears, the Widow, mysterious, red-haired assassin, as an SO? It was simply mad to think it had been her own idea. The Widow herself gave off no indication of surprise, and it was impossible to get a read off of her to determine whether or not she was inclined to the idea or not. In any case Yeva could hardly protest such a opportunity, to train under the most revered assassin of the Room's creation. The only one to ever escape the Room's grasp and use her talents for good.

Not that she would ever admit it, but Yeva held the woman in somewhat of a idyllic position. The woman was everything she had ever wanted to become, something she never thought she would have a chance to be. But now here it was, staring her in the face and she could find no reason not to accept.

She glanced at Runa beside her and both girls shared a look of complete complicity, they were both ready to get out, neither had wanted to continue in what they did, but long ago they realized a normal life would never be theirs. This was perhaps their only chance to distance themselves from their past and use the their gifts for some good. If all this meant was complying to an organization like SHIELD for the rest of their lives, neither liked the idea of being under anthers command, but as long as that command remained fair and just, they would learn to live with it, after all, survival was what they knew best.

With a decisive nod, Yeva Mateev started on the long path of her future, with fanciful hopes that maybe the future wouldn't be so bleak after all.

**Thank you very much for reading, I may continue this short story if there is any interest. Please review, I love constructive criticism and it goes a long way in helping me improve my writing. Until next time, this is ALL, signing off.**


End file.
